Chapter 8

Naturally, analysis wasn’t possible; Secretary Jiang’s mind was like a needle on the sea floor—even if the entire office were to be convened, they wouldn’t be able to figure out what Secretary Jiang was thinking.

In the evening, Jiang Xichu and Chen Man returned home together; Jiang Xichu entered the kitchen without pausing for rest—the day before she’d bought three days worth of food, each meal different; a two vegetable dishes, a meat dish, a hot soup, and in fruit in addition after the meal, both domestic and nutritious. Tonight, the meal was stir-fried bean sprouts and garlic chives, stir-fried yellow onion shoots with shredded meat, small, crunchy deep-fried meatballs, plus a bowl of winter melon and pork cutlet soup. While she marinaded the shredded meat and prepped the ground meat, she also chopped the vegetables and minced the ginger into a paste; Jiang Xichu’s pace was very quick; in under three minutes, all the vegetables were prepared, and immediately after, she turned on the gas stove and began to fry the food. As soon as the vegetables, moist with water droplets, entered the wok, an immediate, thunderous noise sounded; Chen Man quietly and stealthily walked up behind her, bringing over a few cloves of garlic she’d taken out before, attentively helping her peel the skins off. Jiang Xichu glanced at her, not saying anything, and continued to stir-fry things.

Jiang Xichu’s cooking couldn’t be compared to a chef’s, but it was still incredibly tasty, already having reached the highest boundary of home-cooked food. The vegetarian portion was soon going to be taken out of the wok, and pulling open a drawer, searching for a pair of single-use gloves, Jiang Xichu put them on, then began to mold the meatballs. When Chen Man saw, her eyes brightened, and she said, “I’ll do that.”

Seeing the expectancy on her face, knowing that she was thinking that using the web between the thumb and the forefinger to mold meatballs was fun, Jiang Xichu raised a brow, and passed over the gloves, switching to sitting by the side, filling the earthenware pot with water, preparing to stew the pork cutlet. The time from preparing the meal until it came to the table took an hour in total, during which Chen Man played helper, and then the dressing of the dishes and the fetching of the chopsticks were all done by her, and once she finished eating, she would be responsible for putting all the plates and bowls into the dishwasher as well.

Putting the three dishes and the soup whose fragrance assailed her nostrils on the table, Chen Man sat down happily and in high spirits; she had just picked up chopsticks to try a bite when Jiang Xichu batted her wrist away and said, “Have you washed your hands?”

Chen Man chuckled, standing up right away, and said, “I forgot, I forgot, I’ll go right now.”

A while past six in the evening, the sky outside was still light, and with the window open; the balmy, warm wind circulated through the room and blew over the pair’s skin, and both, without agreeing, pressed their lips together into a smile, clearly enjoying this tranquil life greatly. The two hadn’t really spoken while eating, just immersing themselves in eating, and once they’d both more or less finished eating, Chen Man sipped her soup, then secretly raised her eyelids, looking towards Jiang Xichu.

Jiang Xichu’s gaze didn’t rise, and she said unhurriedly, “You’ve looked at me like this for a while day; go ahead and say it, what are you thinking of doing?”

Having been caught out, Chen Man still didn’t feel embarrassed; she set her soup bowl down, and looked at her inquisitively, and said, “You recently experienced something good, didn’t you?”

Jiang Xichu inexplicably looked at her, and said, “I haven’t.”

Chen Man’s expression turned puzzled, and she said “Then how come you’re suddenly acting so well towards me? You’re not even scolding me anymore.”

Jiang Xichu: “...do you want me to scold you?” She laughed, and said, “No worries, I can satisfy this need of yours.”

Chen Man was silent: “...”

Chen Man forced a laugh, waving her hands, and said, “No no, no need, I just thought it was strange—your personality seems not too similar to the past…when someone’s personality suddenly changes, there’s always some sort of reason.”

Jiang Xichu paused, then nodded, and said, “There’s a reason; I know that right now I’ve changed a lot in comparison to the past, but I think this sort of change is pretty good—how about you slowly adapt.” She wanted to try with Chen Man; this sort of trial only had one sort of conclusion, which was just the two of them passing a good lifetime. Chen Man liked her that much, and she also…right now she couldn’t say it well, not understanding what sort of feeling she was feeling, only knowing that she couldn’t leave Chen Man, so, just as it had started, she couldn’t once again depart, needing to continue walking along.

A spouse and a subordinate friend’s roles weren’t the same; she couldn’t spent an entire lifetime quarrelling with Chen Man, so Jiang Xichu wanted to change herself, wanting to make Chen Man’s life a bit more cheerful.

Chen Man didn’t know the laborious effort Jiang Xichu was making, and she asked inquisitively, “What sort of reason is it exactly? Come on, tell me.”

Jiang Xichu looked at her for half a day, and after a long time, she laughed softly, and said, “Alright, telling you doesn’t matter.”

Chen Man also smiled, and moved to sit a bit closer, waiting for Jiang Xichu’s following words.

Jiang Xichu opened her mouth slowly, and said, “It’s just…in the past, didn’t I tell you, I wanted to experiment with someone. All of you say my disposition isn’t good, and I thought, I couldn’t wait to become someone else’s girlfriend, as my temperament was still bad; since we’re already together, then I definitely needed to make an effort to collaborate for a lifetime, so I needed to change my character, for her good, as well as mine.”

Chen Man sat, startled, not saying a single word for a great while. Chen Man herself couldn’t see it, but Jiang Xichu was taking in all of the changes of mood before her eyes, and Chen Man herself probably didn’t even know how pitiful her expression was. She was helpless and at a loss, remaining dazed as she looked at Jiang Xichu, the corners of her eyes turning a faint red, tears swimming in her eyes; if she only blinked lightly, they would immediately fall; at first, Jiang Xichu had been enjoying her distressed appearance, and then she realised she wasn’t in a good condition, and she had lied, she stood up at once, coming towards her, and said, “Ah, it’s not, I…”

Chen Man suddenly realised that she’d lost her self-control, and she laughed stiffly, saying, “Ah, this soup is a bit—it’s a bit scalding, it scalded my tongue painfully, it hurts too much, I’ll go to the bathroom to deal with it; you sit, leave everything; in a bit I’ll come back and tidy it.” When she finished speaking, Chen Man stood up, and without a second thought, Jiang Xichu immediately followed closely behind, but Chen Man walked too quickly, and she couldn’t keep up at all, only able to watch after her as she fled into the bathroom like a gust of wind.

Standing outside the door, Jiang Xichu opened her mouth, a bit vexed. It seemed like the joke she’d played had gone a bit too far. At the same time, she was a bit angry; when she’d spoken to this point; if it had been like what Chen Man had assumed, wouldn’t it be that she’d very quickly move into someone else’s embrace? With all this, so how was it that Chen Man still didn’t say anything, not even having the intent to snatch her back? 

Jiang Xichu silently returned to the dining room, wanting to discuss it with Chen Man, but Chen Man just wouldn’t give her the opportunity; as soon as she tried to mention that matter, Chen Man would quickly change the subject, and after the other finished tidying up the dining table, she returned to her own room, not coming out for the rest of the night. Jiang Xichu paced back and forth in front of her door for a while, and in the end let out a sigh, and returned to her own room as well.

In the very early morning, Jiang Xichu laid quietly in her bed, eyes quickly flicking this way and that, when suddenly, she furrowed her brows, her breaths growing hurried as well, as if she was having a nightmare; after two or so minutes, she suddenly opened her eyes, terrified and despondent eyes unfocused, and remained dazed for a bit, only then coming out of the nightmare state. Reaching out her arm, she touched her phone, and seeing the time on it, Jiang Xichu sat up with ease, and rubbed her slightly numb temples. Since she’d been reborn, every night she would have nightmares, and even though she was living across from Chen Man, the shadows and pressure in her mind still couldn’t ease; she knew her current state wasn’t good—on the surface, it appeared regular, but in reality, her mind was anxious enough to die; entirely lacking a sense of security, she found herself on the verge of jittery and fractured, but she still couldn’t express it, could absolutely never express it. Chen Man’s mind was delicate; if she were to merely express it, she would worry, and besides, she was a taciturn person, and when she was anxious, she wouldn’t say it, only worrying helplessly behind her back; right now, the thing Jiang Xichu could bear the least was to see was Chen Man’s unhappiness.

Sitting on sluggishly bed for a bit, Jiang Xichu turned over and got up, putting on slippers, and opened the door, calm and collected, and came to the doorway of Chen Man’s room, and, the same as the past few nights, walked noiselessly inside. These past few days, she always came over like this; after having been roused by nightmares, she would come to Chen Man’s room and stand by the side of her bed, watching her sleeping form, and only then, after around half an hour to an hour, when the uneasy feeling in Jiang Xichu’s mind was no longer so strong, would she return to her own room and continue to sleep.

Of course, Chen Man didn’t know any of this; Jiang Xichu’s movements were very quiet, and she didn’t do anything, only calmly watching her; only on seeing that her chest was still faintly rising and falling, Jiang Xichu was able to no longer be afraid.

Tonight, as usual, she came to Chen Man’s room; the light in the room wasn’t on, and the curtains hadn’t been pulled closed, and even the quilt on the bed was neat and tidy.

There wasn’t anyone there.

Chen Man wasn’t there.

She…wasn’t there.

Jiang Xichu’s pupils suddenly contracted, and she recoiled with alarm, breaths suddenly growing difficult and urgent; she retreated too quickly, and suddenly bumped against the door handle, a sharp pain radiating from her lower back, but Jiang Xichu didn’t pay attention to that; right then, her mind was entirely empty, her panic-filled eyes gazing blankly at the bed that was without a soul in sight.

Chen Man wasn’t there…wasn’t there…

Tears fell without warning, and Jiang Xichu’s knees went weak; unable to support herself, she sat, paralysed, on the floor, not knowing at all what she should do—should she go look for her? Go look where, where was she now? This was Chen Man’s home—was she a person? Was she still a ghost? What time was it now? Was it two months ago, or…a year later?

Darkness burst across her gaze; Jiang Xichu really couldn’t breathe now, her face pale, and she was gasping like a dying fish, able to inhale but not able to exhale; the sense of lacking oxygen was incredibly difficult to bear, and she didn’t know when the door behind her was opened, and Chen Man, hearing motion, drifted back from the window in the kitchen; seeing Jiang Xichu sitting by the door, she stood startled.

“Jiang Xichu, what are you doing, sleepwalking?”

As she spoke, she moved around in front of Jiang Xichu, crouching down, and, seeing Jiang Xichu’s current appearance clearly by moonlight, her expression immediately changed. In those two minutes’ time, Jiang Xichu didn’t have any awareness, by the time she reacted, the surroundings had grown well-lit, a soft white light entering her eyes, and her fingers moved, and only then did she realise she was in someone’s embrace, her hands tightly grasping the other, and the other’s hands on her back, moving patiently and gently.

Chen Man was embracing Jiang Xichu, her body not at all soft, but quite bony and very uncomfortable, but her embrace was too warm, warm enough to make Jiang Xichu immediately cry; she’d originally wanted to get up, but at that moment, she had no ability to rise, and she buried her head in Chen Man’s embrace, forehead pressed against her chest. When she moved, Chen Man knew that she probably was alright, but she didn’t let go of her, the two of them quietly sitting like that on the ground.

Only after a long time did Chen Man’s voice sound, and she said, “Jiang Xichu.”

The person in her embrace raised her head, and Chen Man’s eyes faintly lowered, meeting her gaze. Chen Man, then, was excessively dispassionate; she watched Jiang Xichu’s eyes, and the words she spoke carried an impression of not allowing commentary. “Tell me, what exactly happened to you.”

-

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