Chapter 26: When will an old friend be met? (I)

After running about for a day again, in the night they rested in a small village on the way; the village was very small; following a single road, one could walk from the start to the end; in the middle was a small inn, transformed from the previous owner’s courtyard house; it had been a few years, and was even more broken-down than A Tang’s inn; on entering the inn, there was a scent of horse hooves and wet rice straw blended with mildew. The four, bustling in, called for and cast about glances for a few bowls of noodles, and then without more talking, went directly to the rear court to rest.

The inn was small and the inhabitants were few, and the waiter wasn’t particularly enthusiastic; only after plucking her brows for a good half the day did A Yin call for a few buckets of hot water, using a few to clean her body which had been wet for a day.

Tu Laoyao, naked, leaned inside the bathing bucket, groaning and moaning difficultly in pain; the majority of the day’s silence had been stuffed in the rush of the journey, and anyone who thought of opening their mouth didn’t dare to. Scared of what? It couldn’t be explained—the trembling left after the narrow escape from death still not having subsided, and the E Shou, at the end, forcing one to face things head-on; who hadn’t crammed their life with lies, anyway? Big and small, good and bad; apparently when the weight of the lies came out, a man of honour was no different than one as mundane as a snake or rat. Who knew that the one whom the E Shou wanted to eat first was, in fact, that Li Shiyi, who was like a gourd without a mouth?

The water had cooled significantly, and the fine hairs protecting Tu Laoyao’s heart trembled with the cold; he hurriedly got out of the tub, shivering as he wrapped himself in a gown; just as he’d put himself in order, he heard hesitant footsteps outside. The sound of the steps were familiar to him. Tu Laoyao, without hesitating at all, opened the door, and saw Li Shiyi turn her head, caught off guard, staring at him a bit startled and blankly. Tu Laoyao, seeing her dripping hair, swept a gaze across her puffy, slightly wrinkled fingers, with a twinkle in his eye wriggled his brows and asked her, “Do you want to have a personal talk?”

Li Shiyi blinked, her expression still genial, but Tu Laoyao felt that he had seen her fine, smooth as white jade neck move slightly, throat moving from top to bottom, clearly declaring its owner’s hesitance. Li Shiyi indifferently closed her eyes partially, and asked him, “Talk about what?”

She was a young lady in the end, and the issue of duplicity had appeared; Tu Laoyao’s heart became cheerful, and he thought for a moment, then said, “That E Shou, what if it’s still frozen?”

Li Shiyi furrowed her brows, and then heard Tu Laoyao add, thoughtfully, “Just now, I was thinking; you’d said before, that if that E Shou’s flesh was eaten by someone, they couldn’t tell the truth again for the rest of their life; the E Shou, we froze firmly; if someone were to enter the cave, and cut it apart to eat, and afterwards could only tell lies, if I were to ask if a man were a man or a woman, how would he answer?”

As he made up the story, Tu Laoyao cast a glance at Li Shiyi, and saw that she was, in fact, really lowering her brows and pondering it; the previously astute Shiyi-jie, unexpectedly, hadn’t sensed the loophole in his words in the slightest—that Song Shijiu’s magic was bounded by the cave’s mouth; if the magic still had an effect, a villager entering it would long been unable to move a step.

Li Shiyi relaxed her brows and shook her head, saying, “I don’t know.”

“I know,” Tu Laoyao said, pointing at her, “you have something on your mind.”

Li Shiyi raised her eyes to look at him, and heard him lower his fingers as he counted, adding, “What matter? Your shifu? A Yin? Song Shijiu?”

Her motion to put her hands back in her sleeves paused when he counted to those three characters of Song Shijiu, and soon after, cast him a dead calm look, and without saying a word, turned around and returned to the room. Tu Laoyao leaned against the side of the doorframe, leisurely and unhurriedly appreciating the cool moon, throat bobbing cheerfully; one would ask the world what sort of thing affection is, that it could cause Shiyi-jie to take a walk in the twelfth month.^[1] Delightful.

Li Shiyi entered the room and closed the door, and caught the scent of a delicate, sweet fragrance within room, bringing with it the faint scent of honey, as if a spirit in the dark of the night carrying the nectar of flowers, bashful and yet without the slightest hesitation spreading and dispersing in the narrow room; Li Shiyi pursed her lips, and saw that the master of the fragrance was standing at the window, exposing the a cheek like half a silver plate, a hand brushing aside just-washed hair, the other flipping through the books that Li Shiyi had spread out on the table. The fingers that Li Shiyi had hidden in her sleeves unconsciously moved, the nail of her ring finger scratching softly against the rough cloth.

Hearing the sound of motion, Song Shijiu turned towards her, the ivory-clear, pure smiling expression in her eyes as if cut from the moon. Li Shiyi cleared her voice and walked over to the table, her hand extending to press against the table, and said, “You’re still not resting?”

Song Shijiu closed her mouth, and said in a quiet tone, “It’s a bit cold in this room; just now, I went to the kitchen to request some coal, and had it placed in the stove for you; it’s a bit crude, but it’s better than freezing.”

Li Shiyi inclined her face minutely; the half-inclined phoenix eyes gazed at her, and she didn’t know if she liked it or not. When she took a measure of a person, it was always a cool, pensive expression, as if calculating the distance between the other person and herself, accurately measuring and drawing it out. Song Shijiu suddenly felt a bit wronged under this expression; a lot of things, she hadn’t wanted to tell her this quickly, but who was it who had called her a little monster? Her life was as if concentrated, her feelings, like time, compressed int a tight little segment, heavy enough that it made her unable to breathe properly. Those ten or so days they’d been together in fact felt like ten or so years; if time passing hurriedly were to be said to have some negatives, it would generally be like this; a single person occupying all of her attention completely, how could she set aside something for others?

Song Shijiu, heart beating anxiously and painfully, pushed through her rampaging breaths and sat on the stool across from Li Shiyi, separated by the small table, and gazed at her, asking, “I never asked before; that military warlord whose eye you caught, how did you break away from him?”

Li Shiyi shifted her fingertips on the table, andd looked at her with restraint, and said, “I recruited a couple little demons and scared him away.”

Song Shijiu smiled, and asked her, “Then the little female demon who bothered you daily, how about her?”

Li Shiyi sat down and poured herself a cup of tea; what she’d thought of wasn’t clear, but she laughed softly, and said, “I recited the classics for three days and three nights.”

Song Shijiu hung her head, and hearing the sound of her pouring tea, only after a short while raised her head and asked her, “Then what about me? How are you preparing to drive me away?”

Li Shiyi was startled, brows pinching as she looked at her in question.

Song Shijiu said earnestly, “I’m not a person, and don’t fear having my soul called back, and I’m not a ghost, and reciting the classics wouldn’t have any effect; how are you going to frighten me to make me not like you?”

Li Shiyi’s heart jumped with a ge-deng; Song Shijiu’s words were like the final drop when steeping tea, not fully having been expressed; emotionally touching, but also direct and efficiently dropping into the lake in the centre of her heart, making it clear that the water had opened the tea to its greatest extent; thousands of words carried a heated fragrance waiting for her to try it. But she only held the cup in her hand indifferently, carrying that cup of boiling regard levelly, and there wasn’t even the thought of half an entry; only after a long while did she raise her brows, asking her in reply, “Like?”

Song Shijiu nodded, her breaths stuttering.

Li Shiyi set her teacup down, her index finger drawing half a circle around its edge, and at the extremity in Song Shijiu’s direction, knocked against it, then against the side that faced her as well, and said, “You’re a young woman, and so am I.”

“En,” Song Shijiu acknowledged, and then after thinking a bit, added, “you’re a person, and I’m not.” She didn’t know why Li Shiyi wanted to tell here these preceding reasons, but if it were to smooth the relationship, perhaps it had an intention of partially admitting her; she was a happy, but also a bit nervous, the fingers arranged on her knees tapping in gentle excitement.

Li Shiyi, seeing that she didn’t clearly understand her meaning, and was in fact foolishly summoning up her courage, for a moment choked a bit, stopped up, unexpectedly having no choice but to admit that what Song Shijiu had said had some reason to it; if ghost or human didn’t matter, then on the matter of sex she’d raised, she was afraid that it wouldn’t have any effect either. She let out a sigh internally, determined to speak a bit more openly, and raised her jaw, shaking her head, and said, “I…”

Before she could say anything, she heard the sound of the wind passing nearby; the candle flame’s flickering stopped in a split second, even the steam coming from the top of the hot tea all coming to stillness; Song Shijiu held her breath, and in her eyes, Li Shiyi, who had halted her movements, held it back, alarmed; she reached out a hand to touch her fingertips, then, incredibly anxiously, used the hollow of her palm to cover the back of her hand. “Don’t say it.” In that moment of Li Shiyi shaking her head, she’d had a panicked premonition of the rejection that was about to come from her mouth, and she didn’t want to hear it, but could only be unruly like this.

Li Shiyi’s inky-black pupils lightened, directly sweeping over her; her eyelids had closed faintly, and she extracted her hand, saying, “You aren’t allowed to use magic on me.” Her speech, as before, didn’t rise or fall, but Song Shijiu knew she was angry, and, more than that, her anger was somewhat fierce, and in a panic, her taut pores released some qi, and the candle flames and steam returned to twisting and swaying, ascending with strength as if facing amnesty.

Li Shiyi didn’t want to know why Song Shijiu’s magic had once again not affected her, but she absolutely disliked the offence of a person using this sort of control. Especially, the back of her hand still retained Song Shijiu’s warmth; a small kitten’s biting and lapping usually tickled in a way that made one’s heart beat. She’d gotten used to passing the days by herself, and didn’t much like there being fluctuations at her side; previously the person by her side had been A Yin, and in the end, what had happened? What Shifu had said was right; this line of work of theirs, failure of integrity would be met with the wrath of the heavens; living and dying by oneself was better; it wasn’t worth it to encumber oneself with someone by one’s side.

Song Shijiu saw the cold congealing of her posture; feeling depressed, her eyes moistened freely; it wasn’t very obvious, only beneath the candle flame, it shone faintly, sparkling and translucent; she softened her voice, and asked her, “You won’t allow me to like you?”

Li Shiyi tilted her head, not replying.

In the past, she’d acceded to every request that Song Shijiu had made, asking at will without growing tired; for the first time showing her colours with a refusal, the same as carrying Song Shijiu against the back of her neck and throwing her into a an ice cave; where could Song Shiju have undergone this sort of situation? Being a bit choked up for a moment, she couldn’t control herself, and only then realised that, to Li Shiyi, the person by her side didn’t make a difference; the road before her you’ll be allowed to walk, the courtyard before the room you’ll be allowed to step on, but her inner heart was forever a tightly-closed wicker gate, and from start to finish, it will never be opened to you.

Song Shiju, annoyed, said, “You treat me well, but you won’t let me like you; is there truly anyone as tyrannical as you in this world?”

Li Shiyi raised her brow and cast her an extremely slow glance, the heart’s banner that had just been stretched taut towards her swaying leisurely; Song Shijiu bit her lower lip, and unexpectedly heard Li Shiyi laugh softly, then quickly withdraw her expression, admitting, “No.”

“Why?” Song Shijiu asked urgently.

Li Shiyi turned her head, showing her expression, which wasn’t very gentle or soft; even her speech had quickened considerably; she watched Song Shijiu attentively, and asked her, “How old are you? Where did you come from? What’s at the bottom of the matters? How long have you known me? Do you know what romantic love is? What do you understand of me? What do you know of my past? Do you know when I’m happy, when I’m not happy, what it is that I want?” The connection between them was too weak, weak enough that it could be fully written in only a few lines of characters; not even a complicated verse could be used to hide meaning, barely as easy and simple as vernacular speech.

This sort of weakness, what kind of weight of liking could it hold?

Song Shijiu’s originally round pupils contracted, as if having been pricked by a needle and instinctively protecting themselves; the white of her eyes still had the flush of choking emotion from before remaining, and her gaze had fallen partway, her deer-like eyes pressed down, guarding themselves.

Li Shiyi moved her gaze away, her fingertips shivering a bit; as the young lady she’d looked after from youth to maturity, she couldn’t look at this appearance of her, as if stabbed. Having used the four characters of “from youth to maturity” herself, she was startled; she suddenly became aware that her own logic had gaps; these four characters’ strength exceeded a thousand jin, and effortlessly refuted the questions she’d posed just before.

The line of her lips moved, as if she was reflecting on if she had more to say, but she saw the rising and falling of the chest of the small deer before her, hesitantly yet resolutely raising her head, and saying, “But, even if it’s like that, can’t I love you?”

Li Shiyi was startled; she heard the flash of waves of sunlight in Song Shijiu’s eyes, the question that she’d asked so seriously being passed over to her. “I don’t know from whence I came, and I don’t know my journey back, and I don’t know how love starts, nor where it ends; am I really not deserving of loving you? No matter if I were some sort of toy, or stone, flower or plant, tree, or the stars, could I not love you? Flowers will blossom, stars will glitter; the world has all things, so I have thousands and tens of thousands of ways of loving you. I don’t know what sort of strange being I am, but if I can, I want to offer my coffin to you, and let you ask my date of birth, and ask you to listen to whether or not I like you with my whole heart and intent.”

Her words where filled with emotion, but remained coherent; this, for the most part, was the most she’d spoken for her whole life, but she wasn’t reconciled, and she couldn’t let go; liking was liking and this “like” had smashed against her and made her confused and disorientated; she had always been clever and hadn’t provoked Li Shiyi with her statements, and instead, Li Shiyi regarded her as a little monster.

She saw Li Shiyi’s expression was motionless, gazing at her with astonishment and shock, her lips faintly parted, tongue pressing against her teeth; unexpectedly, for a short while, she didn’t know what she should say.

Song Shijiu pressed her lips tightly together, her small, exquisite cheeks puffing up, gazing at her with defiance; how was it, when she was clever and eloquent, it wasn’t worse than anyone else.

Li Shiyi let out a quiet cough, eyelashes trembling, head lowered to drink tea. “Dear lady, ah.”

The cool wind outside covered up the minute sounds of people like sighing, but couldn’t cover up the surprise of the eavesdroppers; Tu Laoyao’s mouth was wide enough to stuff with an egg, and he exchanged a flabbergasted look with A Yin at his side, and said, “Who taught her that?”

A Yin, shivering in the cold wind, pressed her ear a bit closer, and shook her head. “It wasn’t me.”

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Translator's notes:

[1]: Modified from the Jin dynasty poet Yuan Haowen’s poem “Catching Fish” (摸鱼儿, Mo Yu’r).