Chapter 41: Those who love are mocked by those who do not (II)

As the night fell, the stars twinkled like fireflies; the Li family courtyard had sunk into a deep sleep, only Song Shijiu’s room lit bright, the traces of a quiet, cold, elegant shadow on the screen window, which had attracted a layer of comfortable warmth in the yellow light.

When Song Shijiu had returned from the mountain god temple, she’d immediately been struck with a fever, eyes blinking dazedly as she’d spoken nonsense; Tu Laoyao had volunteered to go look for A Luo; when A Luo heard about it, she said it was just snake venom from having just switched noses, and the fever would be gone in a night. Said like this, Li Shiyi couldn’t relax, and fed Song Shijiu half a bowl of plain rice porridge, sitting by the bedside and making sure that she slept peacefully.

Song Shijiu’s vitality had improved a bit, but her cheeks still remained crimson, and her lips were also bright red, as if they’d been stained by juice from blossoms; her eyes were parted narrowly, as if having been assaulted by the acridity of a candle flame; but, unexpectedly, the mirror image of Li Shiyi on her pupils was clear and bright, as if the haughty, bright moon had been confined to well water.

Li Shiyi’s right hand was on the bedside, and her left hand spread the letter that A Luo had given, looking with a bowed head; the letter couldn’t be any simpler, only two characters—“sheng sheng”.

This kind of strange beast, the Shengsheng, Li Shiyi had read of in the Nanshanjing; its appearance was no different from an ape; it was said it could speak with people, that it knew the past. A Luo’s meaning was incredibly clear; if the Shengsheng were to be found and questioned, Song Shijiu’s past would naturally come to light, the rocks appearing as the water receded.

Song Shijiu rested her head on the buckwheat pillow and looked up at Li Shiyi; her nose really was unbearably hot, and her eyelids were also extremely heavy; her temples felt as if they had been struck repeatedly by great blows of sledgehammers, and the surroundings seemed to have roasted under the sun, distorted beyond recognition. Against reason, Li Shiyi’s head was well-defined, her features clear and distinct, her disposition beautiful, like the pendulum of a Western clock swinging back and forth, languid idleness firmly tethering the twisting world. Song Shijiu said, heavily nasal, “What did she say?”

Li Shiyi’s fingers twitched, and she folded up the letter, and replied, “To go look for the Shengsheng.”

“Shengsheng—in the South, right?” Song Shijiu coughed a couple times, raising her hand to cover up her delicate lips; Li Shiyi raised her hand to stroke her back, and nodded.

She gazed pensively at Song Shijiu; at the ear was the Teng serpent they’d made inquiries about during the day; in the hand was the urgent search for the Shengsheng; in the past, she’d always been a person who was incredibly orderly, but for the first time, the priority of first and last had grown complicated. What made one suspicious was that these two types shouldn’t be placed on par with each other, so much so that there wasn’t a justification for them being side by side. She felt, faintly, that what needed to be placed in order weren’t two types of strange beasts, but something else, and that thing had poked at her heart for a long time, until it couldn’t be put up with, and began to quietly ask her for a statement. Her throat bobbed, the glimmer in her eyes shifting in an undercurrent in the candle flame.

Her fingers were poked softly by something burning hot, and then tentatively tugged at, pinching her joints one at a time. Song Shijiu fiddled with Li Shiyi’s hand, what she was thinking unclear. After a good while, she said, “Can I go look for the Shengsheng after a few days?”

Her tone was weak and feeble, as if it was said carelessly; Li Shiyi’s fingertips twitched, and she asked her, “Why?”

Song Shijiu said, “Going down South will probably require being there for a long time; I want to wait until little Tu Laoyao is born, and put a longevity lock on him and then leave.” She also had a small, selfish motive that she hadn’t told Li Shiyi; the little green snake’s reaction just then seemed to be as if she and Li Shiyi had had some sort of past together; this made her somewhat afraid—afraid that if there was really some reason that couldn’t be explained, in the future, there wouldn’t be able to be this sort of laying comfortably in Li Shiyi’s warmth.

The woman before her was concealing something, Li Shiyi was more certain than anyone else; she gazed at her, the attack of sickness having left her incredibly weak, as if the tender flesh that grew at the bottom of the heart; she feared even a tender caress would hurt her. In the gridlock in her mind, forces retreated as one side gained strength and the other weakened, but she felt distinctly that Song Shijiu used the retreat to advance; she raised a hand, and smoothed Song Shijiu’s sweat-moistened hair; Song Shijiu startled, her lips trembling a couple times, and then she held onto the hand that was about to retreat, nestling her cheek into the dry palm. “I’m sick,” she said. “You can’t refuse me.”

Li Shiyi pressed her lips together, fluid glance flashing; she found it somewhat amusing—made bold and self-confident by sickness, she clutched her hand and showed her teeth, like a fox cub guarding its food. Whether it was because she'd held her from infancy until adulthood, Li Shiyi didn’t reject the intimate contact of Song Shijiu’s touch; it even had a bit of normalcy of acculturation.

Song Shijiu spoke muzzily, her breaths brushing her skin. “In the past, this was also how I looked at you as well. At that time, you didn’t pay much attention to me. In the night, you couldn’t sleep, and would go outside to sit in the breeze; I imitated you as well, sitting in the breeze. After you washed your head and dried your hair, it was your habit to use your right hand; one time, you used your left hand, and only absently rubbed it once before you switched hands. You didn’t pay particular attention to food or drink; you paid particular attention to books; when there was no business, you liked to sit by the table and flick through books. While others sat, you would always leave the stool by the side of your leg, and stand upright and lower your head to read. At that time, I thought, when I was able to speak, I would definitely ask you, Li Shiyi, is your stool a decorative item?” Song Shijiu put on an affectation, putting stress on the question, and, herself, was unable to stop her laugh. “But when I was indeed able to speak, I forgot it again.”

It was probably that the sickness was severe; she was speaking long-windedly and disorderedly, but as she spoke, it was all Li Shiyi. Li Shiyi called to mind when she’d covered her tears and contradicted her, asking her to take a look and see whether or not she loved her with whole-hearted intent. 

It seems like I can. She faintly pressed the corners of her lips together.

Song Shijiu’s voice gradually softened. “Li Shiyi.”

“En.”

Her brows and eyes curved with a smile, and she called her again: “Shiyi.”

“En.”

“Yi.”

“...what are you doing?” Li Shiyi extracted her hand, patting her cheek without harshness.

Song Shijiu was overjoyed, just about to speak, but she heard the sound of the wooden door moving, a fragrance and the cadence of highheels coming at the same time, and, sweeping away the dust on her shoulders off as she entered, A Yin’s gaze flicked between the two people; she came to the side of the bed, brushing Song Shijiu’s cheek, and asked her, “Feeling a bit better?”

Li Shiyi drew her hand back calmly, pushing herself up on the side of the bed, three fingers lightly pressed together; she glanced at A Yin’s crossed legs, and then drew a circle over the fingers pressed against Song Shijiu’s cheek. It was, once again, Li Shiyi’s usual, measuring look, indifferent and cool. She saw A Yin’s stooped figure, the scent of rosemary and her shadow enclosing Song Shijiu, the insides of her fingers smoothing over her jaw a couple times, as if surveying whether it was burning or not; she only withdrew her hand after a long while, the back of her hand pressing against her own forehead, and said, “You’re still scalding.”

The back of her hand brought along the slight chill of the outdoors, the comfort causing Song Shijiu to murmur softly; seeing her take it away, she meant to speak but then hesitated, licking her dry lips.

Li Shiyi cast a glance at Song Shijiu, and then tilted her face, taking the letter, and folded it a couple times; then, feeling it wasn’t too orderly, she opened it up again, slender fingers pressing and pushing, her movement carrying a indecisive hesitance. A Yin, seeing Song Shijiu’s state wasn’t too good, spoke with her a bit, and then asked her whether she wanted to play jiulianhuan rings; Song Shijiu replied, smiling, “I haven’t played them for a long time.” Pausing, she said with a quiet voice, “Come here.”

Li Shiyi frowned; she saw A Yin moving closer, and Song Shijiu pressed her crimson lips together and said a few phrases to her; A Yin’s eyes widened, and after a short while, she smiled widely, shaking her head. “I don’t have any new books.”

“Ah?” Song Shijiu, frozen with fear, had been heard by Li Shiyi; she shot Li Shiyi half a glance, and hid her nose under the bedding.

For the first time, Li Shiyi felt that she herself was a bit superfluous. She wasn’t someone who particularly grabbed the limelight, to the point of often wishing she could disappear; but she was a bit uncomfortable with the distance Song Shijiu had made, as if the “whole-hearted intent” of just now, which she’d just seen with great difficulty, had instantly been broken into fine pieces, and unexpectedly, the culprit had put on an appearance of naivete, causing one to be unable to find a reason to muster the forces to punish it. She silently raised her head, pressing the corners of her lips together, index finger bending, and idly tapped against the side of the bed.

A Yin joked with Song Shijiug for a bit, and then, seeing the hour had grown late, stood up, pressing her hand to her lower back, and touched Li Shiyi, saying, “She’s been feverish for a while, and the arid weather has dried the sweat, which is sure to have made her clammy and dazed; you should wring a hot towel, undo her clothes, and wipe her back; only then will it get better.”

Li Shiyi’s glance flickered, hesitantly moving to Song Shijiu; Song Shijiu’s face was blotchy with red and white, and meeting her gaze, moved away with panic, her voice hoarse as she dragged at A Yin. “A Yin-jiejie, you clean me.”

Having rushed about for an entire day, she was incredibly dirty; how could she let Li Shiyi see it? Moreover, the endless pestering of the regular day, annoying her and grabbing at her was one thing; undoing her clothes in front of Li Shiyi and facing her was an entirely different matter.

The candle flame leap in time with the occasion; Li Shiyi came back to herself as Song Shijiu pleaded with A Yin, her brows rising calmly as well, like forcibly pausing the wind and rain, causing the passersby below, with nowhere to hide, to let out a breath of relief; but no one knew when the gale and torrents of rain would descend, and were even more worried.

Under Li Shiyi’s indifferent gaze, Song Shijiu came up with this image in her mind; her heart thudded, and, more than that, ached with a swell of acridity, but this acute suffering wasn’t exceedingly difficult to bear; in fact, she wanted it to ache a second time, and a third. She felt her organs using their most natural manner to warn her, and she sensed Li Shiyi’s fluctuations.

A Yin’s leisurely, peach blossom eyes flicked between the two people, and then relaxed her figure and leaned against the bedframe; her words were directed at Song Shijiu, but her smiling expression was aimed at Li Shiyi. “How about it?”

Li Shiyi’s voice wasn’t too clear. “I’ll go get a towel.”

This was the first time she took the initiative without giving in, and it made A Yin open her mouth and let out a soundless “wow”. A smile was suspended at the corners of her lips, and her wrist involuntarily pressed against her chest, which was still aching slightly; the aftertaste of this ache was as if she had a sizeable, unhealed, penetrating wound. She put her hand down; without enough time to say anything, she saw Song Shijiu raising her body, catching her wrist; not paying the gold bracelet any attention, she merely anxiously and persistently said, “A Yin-jiejie, thank you for your trouble.”

The young lady was more solemn than the heavens, but rebellion emerged in even the most obedient young lady. 

With a flushed face, she said quietly to Li Shiyi, “You…still aren’t going to go rest?”

It wasn’t Li Shiyi anymore, and wasn’t Shiyi either, only you, both estranged and coy. A Yin sat down, and Li Shiyi’s eyelashes lowered; she stood up, holding the envelope in her hand, and headed out without comment. Song Shijiu tilted her face and looked at her; her fevered ears were still scorchingly hot; she saw the door open with her own eyes, and only then felt a cool breeze stealthily enter, dispersing the dry heat in the room slightly.

A Yin met her gaze, crooking her index finger and tapping her forehead, and she narrowed her eyes helplessly. Her expression was clear without the need for further speech: you’ve eaten a bear’s heart and a leopard’s gall^[1] offending Shiyi-jie.

Song Shiijiu sniffled, just about to say something to her, when she saw Li Shiyi’s single hand close the door; she turned around, eyes lowering as she looked at her, and thought for a moment, then said, bluntly, “Before you were seven, I bathed you and washed you. There’s a red mark on the centre back of your neck, and a small birthmark two fingers to the right of your navel.”

There, not overdone. She finished speaking tranquilly, and didn’t give Song Shijiu’s stunned gaze any mind, casting a glance at her; then she turned and opened the door, leaving.

Song Shijiu was roused by the sound of the door closing, and she covered up her face with a wail; she didn’t want to get better anymore—she might as well die of fever.

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Translator's notes:

[1]: 吃熊心豹子胆, to be foolhardy.