Chapter 65: Vexed

Someone passing on couldn't be counted to be any shocking news—just take the body away for burial, and no one would pay any more attention. It was the case even if she'd had an even rougher life story and had died on the day before the new year. Even Liang Jiwen didn't shed too many tears at Nanny Pei Yu's passing. The only thing that reflected the sentiment between the two of them, master and servant, was merely that Liang Jiwen had implored Jiang Changbai to erect a small tombstone for her in the outskirts of the city.

But after that, the frequency of Liang Jiwen's seeking out Jiang Changbai grew distinctly higher. Before, though they'd both lived the Imperial Palace, the distance between them was that of a million li, and they almost never saw each other. Even if they did encounter each other, they'd merely stop and exchange greetings. But in the past few days, during the day when Jiang Changbai was working, Liang Jiwen always came to the imperial study. Even if Jiang Changbai were discussing work affairs with ministers and wouldn't let her in, she'd wait at the doorway.

Jiang Changbai knew that her nanny had just died, and she was lonely and had no means in the Great Li, and so tried her best to let her do as she pleased. But there were those who couldn't stand it. These past few days, each time Song Juguang had entered the Palace, she'd run into Liang Jiwen, and today, she was even carrying a box of food. Seeing this tableaux, an inexplicable sense of vexation rose in her heart, and after hesitating for a moment, in the end, she strode over to Liang Jiwen's side. "Princess, how is it you're here again?"

Hearing this, Liang Jiwen raised her head to look at Song Juguang, and smiled. "Bixia and Xie-daren are discussing matters, so I'm waiting outside."

The sentence fanned the flames higher, and Song Juguang pressed, "Could it be you're bored in the Rear Court, Princess? If so, this regent can arrange someone to accompany you to go wander about the city—it would be better than waiting here day after day."

Yet Liang Jiwen shook her head. "It's not boring; I just want to see Bixia."

Song Juguang's fists tightened unconsciously, and she felt more and more vexed the more they spoke. She simply stopped paying her any attention, turning and pushing the door open and walking in, and left Liang Jiwen, in somewhat of a daze, to wait alone at the doorway.

Jiang Changbai was just contemplating the yet to dry marks of ink on the desk when her train of thought was suddenly cut off by the sound of the door being pushed open; assuming it was that maid who wasn't versed in etiquette, her brows furrowed and she raised her head, her gaze flashing towards the doorway like a blade. Yet once her eyes focused, she saw Song Juguang striding in, her mood seeming to not be too positive.

"A Guang, what happened that you're so angry?" Jiang Changbai suppressed the emotions of just a moment before.

"Ah, nothing happened," Song Juguang said, putting on a blankness as she shook her head. "But you, Bixia—your gaze when this minister entered just now was like a blade cutting at this minister—if one didn't know better, one might think this minister committed a grave mistake."

Jiang Changbai smiled. "How could that be?"

Song Juguang's expression was still somewhat dark. "This minister's come in—is Bixia still going to let the Princess wait outside? The weather's frigid; what if she catches a cold—"

"You mean Liang Jiwen?" Jiang Changbai's head didn't rise; she merely let out a sigh. "She comes day after day; luckily Qianbing was here today, or else We would have to have Xun Zhu steep a pot of tea for her, and chat with her about some trivial matters."

Song Juguang said, "So you let her wait at the doorway."

"As you mentioned, it's frigid outside; having waited for long enough, she'd naturally leave," Jiang Changbai said, lowering her voice. "When she first arrived in the Great Li, it was only her and her nanny. Now her nanny's gone, and that, feeling unhappy, she's looking for someone to chat with is understandable. There's some things that can't be said; if they were said, she'd think We're an indifferent, heartless person."

Song Juguang didn't say any more. Jiang Changbai, seeing she wasn't making a sound, didn't bother to contradict her previous words, but rather waved a hand. "Come, take a look at this—Qianbing just brought it over. Recently, the Ministry of Appointments recommended some people, saying they're talents worthy of use; take a look, do they appear familiar?"

As she spoke, Jiang Changbai turned the memorial spread out before her in front of Song Juguang. Song Juguang only shot it a single glance, and then pointed out a few names. "This minister recalls that these people were previous aides and advisors to Prince Yu. After Prince Yu's passing, their official careers were ruined at a single stroke; how come the Ministry of Appointments is suddenly recommending them?"

Jiang Changbai and Xie Qianbing, hearing this, exchanged a glance, and a bit of comprehension showed in their expressions. Jiang Changbai was about to say something more, but Song Juguang beat her to it. "Bixia can't be willing to let Liang Jiwen come to the imperial study day after day, can you?"

Jiang Changbai's line of sight watched the doorway, and she didn't make a sound, only nodding her head incrementally. Song Juguang, seeing this, felt the vexation in her heart dissipate a bit, but she still didn't have the mind to recall the pasts of the people on the paper, so she turned and left with a "then this minister will help you persuade her".

Xie Qianbing looked at Song Juguang's back, and then looked at Jiang Changbai, thoroughly perplexed. But Jiang Changbai remained unmoved and once more took out the paper she'd been looking at before Song Juguang had entered, waving a hand to indicate to Xie Qianbing to come over.

Outside, Liang Jiwen heard the door open, and with a face full of hopes, she gazed at the doorway. Seeing it was Song Juguang who had come out, disappointment flashed in her gaze, and she lowered her head once more. But she couldn't have imagined that Song Juguang would head directly for her. Without beating about the brush, Song Juguang said, "Her majesty doesn't have time to see you."

These words seemed to have been expected by Liang Jiwen, and she nodded. "I can wait."

Yet Song Juguang raised a brow. "But this regent wishes to speak with you."

"That…"

Liang Jiwen was somewhat hesitant. Compared to Jiang Changbai, the interactions she and Song Juguang had had were far more scant. What could remember instantaneously at this moment were the events of when she'd been in the inn before entering the Palace.

She recalled Nanny Pei Yu; others, seeing that she hadn't shed a single tear for Nanny Pei Yu all said that Nanny Pei Yu had merely been the most ordinary of servants to her. But only Liang Jiwen knew that she hadn't shed tears because she hadn't dared to. When she'd still been in the Shejin Royal Palace, she hadn't been much liked, and when she'd been a child, she'd been tormented relentlessly, and she'd been unable to stop crying. But while others' tears could win them compassion, Liang Jiwen's tears could only be exchanged for abuse. Nanny had told her that tears indicated weakness; if you were to cry, others would know you were afraid. Gradually, she'd grown to not dare to cry again—no matter who bullied her, she'd strive to stare at them with wide eyes. As it turned out, from when she stopped crying, those who bullied her grew fewer as well. So, the habit had thus been carried to the Great Li.

Now that she was alone, she dared to cry even less. She feared others knowing her weakness, feared others seeing her fear. But now, having been shot a scornful glance by Song Juguang, though she felt dread, she still pressed on in the face of hardship.

When she'd been in the inn, she hadn't understood the language of the Great Li, and could only rely on Nanny's translation to understand the contents of their conversation. But she'd merely lacked understanding, not been a fool; at that time, Nanny's emotions had been clearly the polar opposite of the words she'd translated. She wanted to know what had actually happened, then. So, Liang Jiwen nodded, and agreed, "Alright."

Song Juguang wanted to find an unused room in the Imperial Palace, which was an easy enough feat. It was unclear how long this room hadn't had anyone frequent it; when the door was pushed open, the breeze raised by it blew away the dust on the surface of the desk. But no one paid that any attention, and the two of them spoke nearly at the same time.

"What exactly are you doing looking for her majesty?"

"What was is my nanny spoke with you about that day?"

Song Juguang raised a brow, taking out a cloth to wipe down a chair. Calm and unruffled in the chaos, she sat down. "Answer this regent's question first."

The two faced each other like this. Liang Jiwen gradually felt that even the air all around her was rushing at her, and her breaths gradually grew strained, and her knees were about to bed. But she clenched her teeth and forced herself upright until she couldn't support herself any further. In the exact moment she was about to fall over, that powerful oppression once more disappeared.

Song Juguang was playing with that folding fan she always carried on her as if nothing had happened. Only now did Liang Jiwen understand that the rumours in the Palace weren't false; Song Juguang really wasn't an ordinary person.

"You still won't speak?" The corners of Song Juguang's lips rose, and with a single motion, the fan opened.

Liang Jiwen closed her eyes, sorrowful. "I'll tell you."

As it turned out, after Nanny Pei Yu had passed on, Liang Jiwen had felt that she was lonely and without means, and hadn't a single friend in the Great Li. Even Bi Yushuang, because of this taboo, gradually reduced her contact with her. She didn't know how to express her distress, and in the end, she'd turned her gaze to her majesty. Though Shejin and the Great Li didn't share customs, Liang Jiwen knew that the Emperor controlled all the power in the nation. If she had a close relationship with the Emperor, then in this world, there wouldn't be anyone who could humiliate her.

Yet Song Juguang, hearing her reasoning, didn't know whether to laugh or cry—laugh both at Liang Jiwen's absurd belief, and laugh at her own absurd emotions. Somehow, merely on seeing Liang Jiwen gather before Jiang Changbai day after day, she'd grown vexed. Xun Zhu followed after Jiang Changbai day and night, serving her—was she going to fight Xun Zhu for her position?

The vexation was swept away in a single stroke, and Song Juguang rose, about to depart. Unexpectedly, the next moment, Liang Jiwen grabbed ahold of her. "You haven't answered my questions."

Song Juguang smiled. "Ah, but this regent didn't agree to."

Liang Jiwen startled, and then returned to her previous state. "Alright, then I'll go find her majesty."

The corner of Song Juguang's mouth ticked up. Though she'd been convinced, still still wasn't willing to see Liang Jiwen get closer to Jiang Changbai. Only countless days and months later would she understand that this state of hers, this resistance of hers, was merely because of Liang Jiwen's identity. A marriage alliance princess would always have to be married off to the Emperor.

"It's not what you think," Song Juguang said, mildly. "This regent fears shocking you."

"You won't," Liang Jiwen said, her eyes shining. "I have the courage to know the truth."

The excuse of wanting to protect her flashed by Song Juguang's mind, and then was gone; since Liang Jiwen wanted to hear it, Song Juguang didn't hide it any further. "Your nanny only always told you about how magnificent and lovely the Great Li's Imperial Palace was in order to use your marriage alliance as a reason to return to her homeland. You've been here this long—you ought to be able to see that the Great Li isn't the same as what your nanny described, can't you?"

Though she'd long since guessed at this bit of the truth, on hearing the information, Liang Jiwen's figure still shook a few times. Nanny Pei Yu had raised her from childhood to adulthood, and the two had travelled the journey from Shejin to the Great Li together. In Liang Jiwen's belief, Nanny Pei Yu was her elder. She wasn't willing to believe that this elder had never had a sincere intent towards her.

Watching Liang Jiwen's dazed expression, Song Juguang suddenly felt that she had to complete her good works, and said, "Do you want to go see her?"

Liang Jiwen nodded slowly. Song Juguang brought Liang Jiwen out of the Palace almost silently. No one knew what had happened on the way out of and back to the Palace, but once they returned to the Palace, Liang Jiwen returned to her own private quarters in silence.

Once Song Juguang returned to the imperial study, the heavens had already darkened. Jiang Changbai, seeing her expression was one of relaxation, asked her what had happened with a smile. Song Juguang merely told her the question she'd asked Liang Jiwen, and didn't mention any of the rest. Yet Jiang Changbai merely shook her head. "She's afraid."

"Bixia isn't wrong," Song Juguang said, making a show of sincerity as she nodded. "So she wanted to see you, the most respected person in all of the Great Li."

"What sort of most respected person like that exists? Even as an Emperor, don't I still face others' restrictions?" Jiang Changbai shot her a glance, and spread the Ministry of Appointments' memorial out on the desk once more. "Even knowing these people are idiots, don't I have to make use of them anyway?"

"Ah, this minister hadn't finished speaking," Song Juguang said, and paused. "This minister isn't afraid of anything, but this minister still wished to see you."

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