Chapter 3

Chen Man sat, hunched, at the head of the bed; the moon rose outside, then set, and the blood between her fingers slowly oozed, then congealed; Chen Man, regardless of the changes in the world outside or her own body, seemed to be suspended in time, unmoving, unhurting, neither crying nor laughing. 

Even being murdered, Jiang Xichu couldn’t have imagined Chen Man would become like this because of it. She was shocked, so much so that she overlooked an important matter: there wasn’t anyone who would become distraught because of the death of a close friend. Only someone who had lost their greatest love, their entire world, would act like this.

For three days, Jiang Xichu remained at Chen Man’s side, not going anywhere, watching Chen Man’s unresponsive form; in those three days, she only ate twice: one container of yoghurt, the one that Jiang Xichu had bought for her, treating it as a snack, for her to drink at her leisure so she could get more nourishment, which had already expired; although it hadn’t gone bad, it still shouldn’t be drunk, and yet Chen Man didn’t even check, just drinking it down. The other was a flash-frozen zongzi,^[1] which Jiang Xichu had also bought; Chen Man was very lazy, having gotten used to being the doted on eldest daughter, and wouldn’t take care of herself, and so, when Jiang Xichu became her Head Secretary, she still had to go behind her back and act as her housekeeper; the cleaning lady that came to her house was one she had found, and all the food was also what she’d dragged Chen Man to the supermarket to get, and after buying them, had put into the kitchen. The shelf-life of the zongzi was indeed longer than the yoghurt, but Chen Man put the still plastic-covered zongzi directly into the microwave. Seeing this, Jiang Xichu nearly came back to life with fury.

Chen Man watched the microwave turn endlessly in a stupefied manner; hearing the ding, she took out the plate, and found that the plastic covering the zongzi had melted; she stared at it for a moment, then directly began to peel off the plastic skin, and then nonchalantly peeled off the zongzi’s own wrapper. Jiang Xichu angrily scolded her, “Is there an ocean in your head? Don’t you know that doing this poisons the food?! Don’t eat it—if you eat it, you’ll have to go to the hospital!”

Chen Man, unable to hear her words, peeled open the zongzi, then apathetically ate a bite, and only then discovered that although the outside of the zongzi was hot, its insides were still cold; the more she bit into it, the colder it got, and the jujube in the middle was quite hard, like a piece of ice. Seeing this, Jiang Xichu understood that, in the half month she hadn’t seen her, Chen Man had tormented herself into such a monstrous shape. She truly hadn’t planned to pass her life well. If Chen Man had been like this since right after she had died, then in less than a week, Chen Man could have gotten herself killed. Jiang Xichu attentively watched her, expression dark for a long while; then she finally bit her lip, and determined to return to the underworld and get reinforcements. She didn’t have any way to save Chen Man, but the old gentleman and the white-shirted youth definitely could, and she couldn’t watch Chen Man torment herself like this.

Having resolutely made up her mind, Jiang Xichu promptly began to prepare to leave; Chen Man, biting the zongzi, from her external perception, could only sense a gust of wind pass by, but just then, her heart inexplicably ached. Just like that day sitting in her office—although nothing had occurred, her heart had suddenly ached, and after less than two minutes, Secretary Yang, pale with fright, had run into the office, and told her about the incident that had occurred downstairs.

Having thought of that day’s events again, Chen Man pressed her eyes shut, uncaring of the split second of pain in her heart; these days, there wasn’t a single day that her heart didn’t hurt, and she wasn’t surprised that it had happened.

Jiang Xichu walked to the door, wanting to pass through it, and was stunned to discover that she couldn’t go out. She stood, stupefied, at the door for three minutes, and then suddenly thought of the supernatural novels that Secretary Yang loved, which she would sometimes insist she look at, within which there was a type of spirit that was known as an earth-bound spirit.

…

…

…

She couldn’t be this unlucky, could she?!

The proof was of the fact that she was that unfortunate; no matter from which direction, she couldn’t leave; this apartment was like a force field, thoroughly caging her in. Jiang Xichu hadn’t expected to become a ghost without living descendants to pray for her, and there had only been one thought in her heart—what would become of Chen Man?

She couldn’t leave, and no one came over; Chen Man’s family were far abroad, and if she didn’t say anything, no one would find out about her change—she wouldn’t…

Jiang Xichu finally panicked. Outside of that night that Chen Man had said those couple words to the urn, the rest of the time, Chen Man had been like a puppet, only sitting silently on the bed, her hands embracing her urn; then she would fall asleep without realising it, and having fallen asleep, she would be roused by nightmares, crying herself awake; then, on waking, she would continue as previously, the wheel coming full circle.

When Secretary Yang visited, Jiang Xichu cried tears of joy; it was like looking upon an angel unexpectedly appearing. It was just that the angel’s expression didn’t appear so good. She pressed the doorbell for a long time, probably around ten minutes, doing so like this over and over, pressing it patiently, and finally, Chen Man opened the door for her; Secretary Yang looked at her expressionlessly, her eyes cold. “Manager Chen, you should return to work.”

Chen Man wore a set of leisure clothes; because she kept thinking about Jiang Xichu’s mysophobia, she had cleaned herself up, and it was only this that prevented Secretary Yang from seeing her messy hair and dirty face. She cast a glance at her, not wanting to say much to Secretary Yang, and said, “Zhang Mei is there—go look for him; don’t come bother me.”

Zhang Mei was the Deputy Manager; he was older than Chen Man by a year, and he had always had designs on Chen Man’s company, which both Chen Man and Jiang Xichu knew; hearing Chen Man’s words, Jiang Xichu startled. She didn’t even want the company she’d started herself anymore?

Secretary Yang gazed at Chen Man, and, finding she was serious, she was finally unable to bear it. Chen Man had opened the door, but she hadn’t let her inside; Secretary Yang pushed her way inside, shoving the door closed with a bang, and then scolded Chen Man as if possessed by Jiang Xichu. “I know you’re grieving—who isn’t? But you have to think of yourself, think of your company’s employees and continue living; with that many responsibilities, is throwing the duty on you aside like this proper?”

Chen Man’s eyes were still cast aside, not looking at her, as if she hadn’t heard her speak. Secretary Yang choked for a moment, then lowered her voice, saying, “Manager Chen, a long time has already passed; you need to let go. I understand your feelings; my…also passed away because of an accident, but even so, those who’ve died have already died, and the living still have to continue living.”

Jiang Xichu glanced at Secretary Yang; a moment before, she’d said something vague—my what, my friend?

Chen Man finally reacted a bit, and she met Secretary Yang squarely, shaking her head lightly; she said, “It’s not the same.”

Secretary Yang didn’t understand, and asked, “What’s not the same?”

Only after a short pause did Chen Man’s response carry through the air, and she said, “I loved deeper than you did; you can walk out the shadows and love someone again, but I can’t anymore.”

For a moment, Jiang Xichu didn’t react. When she reacted, she suddenly twisted her head, staring at Chen Man in stiff shock; the latter’s eyes flicked down as she suppressed all of her powerful feelings behind her eyes. Secretary Yang’s heart jolted, and after a long while, she let out a sigh, and said, “I won’t try and persuade you; after all, you won’t listen—but tomorrow I’ll come over again, and the day after that, and as long as I haven’t been fired by the company, I’ll come every day.” Secretary Yang put her hand on the doorknob, turning her back towards Chen Man; she’d just stepped over the threshold when she said her final words. “But I’m not doing it because of you; there’s lots of managers who treat their subordinates well, and they don’t lack for you. I’m doing it for Secretary Jiang; maybe you think that if the company’s gone, then it’s gone, and anyway, your family’s powerful and your education’s good, and you don’t care about this, but for Secretary Jiang, this was what she strove for all her life, and put her youth into; you can start another company, and I can get a better job, but Secretary Jiang, she only had this one company.”

Jiang Xichu stared at Secretary Yang’s retreating figure in a daze; when she’d been alive, her and Secretary Jiang’s relationship wasn’t especially good; they’d only worked together, and sometimes gone out when on break, and she hadn’t imagined that Secretary Yang would say something like this.

Chen Man seemed to have been moved by these words as well, and after Secretary Yang left, she finally took out the hand she’d been hiding behind her back from Secretary Yang’s sight, and closed it into a tight fist, what she was thinking unkown.

The second day, Chen Man went to the office. Though Chen Man had left, Jiang Xichu couldn’t leave, still trapped in the apartment; from that day forth, Chen Man left early and returned late, resolving to not return each day until eleven in the night, and leaving every morning before six; if she came home and went directly to sleep, this kind of work and rest would alright, but she wasn’t. On returning home, the first thing she would do was eat all kinds of junk food, and second, she would go to her office, continuing to work, and then around two or three, she would finally return to bed and fall asleep clutching Jiang Xichu’s urn. She wouldn’t even sleep five hours a day, and by doing so every day, her eyes became wan and sallow. Jiang Xichu didn’t know what she meant to accomplish with all this work; when Chen Man was working, she stood by her side and watched, and when Chen Man slept, she stood by her side and kept watch, and she hoped that Chen Man would say a couple words to the urn, venting her thoughts and emotions to it. But Chen Man was too busy, like a wind-up toy, not knowing how to rest without exhausting all her energy.

Things passed like this for a good half year, and then, finally, Jiang Xichu discovered Chen Man’s thoughts. She was trying to personally promote someone to take over as General Manager. The person had already been selected—the Head of Sales; Chen Man had spent all that time merely on training him, conveniently laying the groundwork for him; this way, once the Head of Sales took over, as long as he didn’t do too badly, the company would continue growing more prosperous with each passing day.

She’d protected the company—the person she’d chosen was quite suitable; greatly talented, he would run the company well. After passing the position of General Manager on to the Head of Sales, Chen Man didn’t go to work again, and Secretary Yang came two or three times more; but after that, no matter what she said, she couldn’t move Chen Man’s. In this period, Chen Man’s parents called her a few times, and video called a few times, and Chen Man pretended to be very well; even if she wasn’t entirely well, it would be concealed by her words, and investigating their daughter’s business’ affairs, they found things were going well, and felt that it was just that they were worrying too much, and weren’t suspicious at all. So, although such a long period of time had passed, they didn’t discover that their daughter had something very wrong with her.

Two more months passed, and today was a distinctive day. Today, Chen Man received a phone call, and the other person told her that the murderer had finally been executed. His reason for committing murder was very simple; he didn’t have a job, and his family was very poor; his wife unable to endure him, and had taken their child and fled; he hadn’t wanted to live anymore, but, at death’s door, he’d wanted to drag some victims with him. Before divorcing him, his wife was one of Chen Man’s company’s employees, and so, he decided to make the scene of the crime the entrance of Chen Man’s office.

Hearing the person’s words, Chen Man let out a simple hum, then hung up. Jiang Xichu watched her silently; having been trapped in here for almost a year, Chen Man not saying a word, and her not saying anything either, the oppressive atmosphere was nearly enough to drive one mad. She could tell that Chen Man’s body had some sort of difference, but she couldn’t say what it was that wasn’t the same.

That night, Chen Man once again held the urn to her chest, and bowed her head, gently kissing it. “He’s dead.”

Jiang Xichu sat at her side, holding her knees; hearing what she had said, she let out a sigh, uncaring of whether or not Chen Man could hear it.

“I don’t have any way to avenge you, because he didn’t have anything, and didn’t care about anything, and I couldn’t retaliate against his wife or child, because they’re innocent, just like you,” Chen Man said, stroking the urn’s patterns, and asked gently, “would you blame me?”

“I wouldn’t.” Jiang Xichu lowered her head; every person had a life—what Chen Man had done was right.

Chen Man held the urn in her embrace, and curled her entire body around it, her too-thin, weak waist like a stalk of wheat, as if a weak touch would snap it; after a long time without speaking, Jiang Xichu assumed she’d fallen asleep—and then, abruptly, she said a few words. “...I’m very tired.”

Chen Man’s voice was too weak, almost inaudible, and she continued, “I really am tired, and lazy, and afraid of tiredness, and pain, and difficulty; I’m a coward, with no way of being as strong as you, and I know you probably want to scold me again, so go ahead and scold.”

There wasn’t a single sound in the quite, and Chen Man let out a very faint laugh, and then her eyelids gradually drifted closed. Gazing at her, Jiang Xichu seemed to have suddenly understood something; she stood up in a panic, looking all around, and finally, she ran into the kitchen, and saw the gas stove that had been on for who knew how long; in that split second, Jiang Xichu experienced what felt even more terrifying than death.

-

< LAST | HOME | NEXT >

-

Translator's notes: 

[1]: Zongzi (粽子) is a type of food made of glutinous rice, with a savoury or sweet filling, typically wrapped in bamboo leaves, and steamed.